pigeon monograph

in case you don't know what a monograph is, you can look it up on wikipedia. that's what this is, a monograph on the CASE of the PIGEON-NAPPERS.

everyone's been talking about pigeons, lately.  or, rather, about the mysterious men in white who are so interested in the pigeons.  sometimes, they come in groups to bird-nap.  other times, it's a single man, surreptitiously napping a bird when he thinks no one is looking. 

i don't want to give anything away. but i think i am onto something really big. an international ring of pigeon-nappers. it's like a james bond movie but with nets instead of guns, and fat guys in white tee shirts instead of skinny guys in black suits, and pigeons instead of anything else.  yeah.

yeah.  

pigeons: friend or foe?

this is a question i've been investigating for a loooong, loooong time. the problem is, you can't ever tell.  one day, they're your friends. and then the next day, they aren't. 

for example, look at this picture: 

is the pigeon on the left giving the other pigeon a kiss on the cheek?  or is he trying to attack the pigeon's jugular? it's hard to tell, right? 


                         just like a pigeon.




yesterday, i saw a pigeon. it was sitting on a ledge right above bp's head. of course bp didn't see it because he doesn't notice things like that (he's not a SPECIAL RESEARCHER like me). i almost didn't see it either, but i snuck out a little to look (don't tell bp) and saw the pigeon. then i pretended i had to pee so bp would move and he did, just in time.  but not before i took a picture of the pigeon:

see what i mean? 

breaking news: stink bugs stink

one of my newest research projects is uncovering the truth about stink bugs:
     -  where did they come from?
     -  what do they want?
     -  why do they look so weird? 
     -  what makes them stink? 

the first time i saw one: 

i had no idea what it was. it looked like a space invader.

but! i am a researcher, and researchers find out the truth: stink bug.

they are everywhere.  even the new york times says so (and the new york times almost never lies, so you know it's probably the truth).

anyways, i don't know where they came from, but i now they are here.  how long are they staying?  there are lots more truths to uncover. 

I think there is a conspiracy out there!

i'm not sure what it is, but if there is something i'm good at, it's discovering conspiracies.

here's how you know there is a conspiracy:

1. do you hear people talking but when you come out they stop? that means it's a secret.  and secrets usually mean conspiracies.

2.  do you ever have a question, and then you ask someone for the answer, and they look at you funny and say, "why do you want to know?" instead of telling you? then it's probably a conspiracy, because they don't want you to find something out.

3.  if you saw it on television, but no one else did, it might be a conspiracy.

4.  if you read about it in a book about conspiracies, then it's probably a conspiracy, because most authors have to do a lot of research and become experts on the stuff they write about.

5.  if you read it on the internet, like this, then it's probably a conspiracy too.  we are experts.